Is It Normal to Still Love Them?
Yes. Love doesn't switch off the moment a relationship ends, and its lingering presence doesn't mean the decision to end the engagement was wrong — it means you loved someone real, and endings are rarely as clean as we wish they were.
Why the love doesn't disappear right away
You built routines, inside jokes, plans, and a shared sense of the future together. That kind of closeness doesn't dissolve on a fixed timeline just because circumstances changed. Missing someone, or still loving parts of who they were to you, is a normal part of processing a major loss — even one you may have chosen.
Love and "rightness" are not the same thing
An important distinction: loving someone and being right for each other long-term are two separate things. Plenty of relationships end not because the love wasn't real, but because compatibility, timing, values, or circumstances made a future together untenable.
Common thoughts that don't mean what you think they mean
- "I still love them" ≠ "I made the wrong choice." These can both be true at once without contradiction.
- "I miss them" ≠ "I should reach out." Missing someone is a feeling, not an instruction. It's okay to sit with it without acting on it.
- "Part of me wants to go back" ≠ "I actually should." Grief often includes a pull toward what's familiar, even when it wasn't sustainable.
What helps
- Give yourself full permission to miss the relationship without needing to act on it.
- Avoid major decisions (reconciliation, big life changes) in the first few weeks, when emotions are at their most intense.
- Talk to someone who can hold both truths with you — that you loved them, and that the ending may still have been right. A peer circle or therapist can help here.
If you're navigating complicated feelings around having ended things yourself, our guide on When It Was Your Choice to Call It Off covers this in more depth.